I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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