Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
