yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
