oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
