Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
