and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
