i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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