Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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