3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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