im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
