im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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