Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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