I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Can I color on your dick again?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
