look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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