Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
