Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
