Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize