I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
