I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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