Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize