he puts the penis in happiness.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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