i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Alive.
So much puke
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
