Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
a search helicopter?!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
