Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
