youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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