ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
