moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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