I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize