Dude my mom stole all your condoms
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
