i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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