I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
