She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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