weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
