Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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