I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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