I want to stick my p in your. b.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
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