i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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