I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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