At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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