My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
