you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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