Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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