Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
