oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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