so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
