Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize