My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
