I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
