u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
