nut hugger
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
