Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
