Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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