So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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