sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
