That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize