Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
