Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize