Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
