I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My balls are so social today.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
