Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
