remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we're chasing vodka with high fives
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I was not drunk enough for that final.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
