They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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