those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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