That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
