Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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