fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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