gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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