My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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