I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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