from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize