hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
