if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
