i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
