Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
