Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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