and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
