she was so not down for the gang bang
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
