fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
