how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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