the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
