I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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