I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
