but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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