Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
