marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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