So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Everything about him screamed your future.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
