whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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