Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I deserve this hangover.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
