P.S. I can't hear my feet
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
