ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
