the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
