I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
