Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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