At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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