i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
this is an emotional support booty call
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
