So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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