I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
