i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
