so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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