i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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