the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
