You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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