dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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