um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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