My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
