I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
