she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
