I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So vagazzling was a success
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
