I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
